Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just gift wrapped bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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