I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
