I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
