I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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