theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
