he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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