the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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