ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
