The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
