Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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