Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
