Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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