I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
