yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
