i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
