You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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