I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
