This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
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It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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