if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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