Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
