im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
