I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
