he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
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I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
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Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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