i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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