i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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