we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I skipped work to stalk him.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
