just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
