I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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