dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
