I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
