Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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