Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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