who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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