Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
