dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
