My liver just broke up with me...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
