Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
