So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
