My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
