in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I touched a dick in church today
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
