I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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