I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
