Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
