Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
