her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
