Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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