Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
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IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
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I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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