It's just like the Real World with babies
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
