I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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