Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
