Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
