No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
two words...techno handjob
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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