Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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