this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
