can we get nightvision for the apartment?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
