I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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