I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Will you blow on my dice?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
should my penis look like a turkey
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
