I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
