My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
