We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
