i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
