"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
